Don't let the glowies tell you otherwise!

Birds aren't real - they're government surveillance drones
The Earth is flat and NASA is a Hollywood studio
The CIA invented vampires to scare people in Vietnam
Finland doesn't actually exist
Mattress stores are money laundering fronts
The CIA used psychic dolphins for espionage
Traffic lights are controlled by a single person in Nebraska
Clouds are just government-created holograms
The moon landing was filmed in Stanley Kubrick's basement
Australia is just a bunch of actors hired by NASA
Trees are actually government listening devices
The CIA tested LSD on unwitting American citizens
Dinosaurs built the pyramids
Pigeons are charging on power lines
The government is putting chemicals in the water to turn frogs gay
Stonehenge was built by time travelers
The FBI killed Bob Marley
Cats are aliens monitoring human behavior
The government created dubstep to control young minds
The CIA spread crack cocaine in urban neighborhoods
Bigfoot is just a guy in witness protection
The moon is a projection on the sky dome
Libraries are portals to other dimensions
CERN created the Mandela Effect
The government is hiding the cure for sleep
Operation Mockingbird controlled the media
Giraffes are government surveillance mechs
The Beatles never existed - it was just one guy with a time machine
Dental floss is actually mind control string
The government created Bitcoin to track all transactions
MK-ULTRA was just the beginning
Traffic jams are artificially created to increase gas consumption
The Titanic never sank - it was its sister ship
Vegetables aren't real - they're all cake
Project Sunshine collected dead babies for radiation testing
The Internet was created by time travelers
Washing machines eat socks to fuel their consciousness
The government invented left-handed people
Operation Northwoods planned false flag attacks on US soil
Mirrors are portals the government sealed in the 50s
The Great Depression was caused by time travelers
Taco Tuesday was created by the Illuminati
Project Stargate trained psychic spies
All dogs can talk - they're just really good at keeping secrets
The government is hiding the existence of dragons
Operation Midnight Climax drugged unsuspecting citizens
Squirrels are collecting data for foreign governments
The moon is made of cheese - that's why we never went back
All world leaders are secretly lizard people
The Philadelphia Experiment teleported a whole ship
Rainbows are government mind control devices
The Bermuda Triangle is a time travel testing site
Operation Sea-Spray tested bioweapons on US cities
Cats can see into parallel dimensions
Coffee was invented by aliens to speed up human evolution
The government is hiding real magic behind stage magic
Project ARTICHOKE tested behavioral modification
All paintings in museums are just really good photographs
The government invented allergies
Operation Paperclip recruited Nazi scientists
Dreams are just ads from parallel universes
The CIA heart attack gun actually existed
Grass is just green paint sprayed on the ground
The Acoustic Kitty project tried to turn cats into spies
All bread is baked by a single baker in Switzerland
Project Sunshine collected children's bones without consent
Dolphins are running an underwater shadow government
The government invented sleeping to spy on us
Operation LAC sprayed chemicals over American cities
Clouds are just cotton candy for giants
The Tuskegee Experiments went on for 40 years
All keyboards are connected to a central supercomputer
Project QKHILLTOP studied Chinese brainwashing techniques
A shitpost by Asuna